Category: people

I took a blind girl to the cinema last night. She’s probably still there now.

My wife has really long hair; she combs it every hour and goes to the hairdressers twice a week. So I bought her a shaving kit.

There are some benefits to living on a council estate.

I felt awful after hearing my ex girlfriend had been killed in a horrific car accident. I might never get my Rocky V dvd back.

I arranged a pessimists meeting today, It wasn’t a great turn out, the room was half empty.

My friend thought it was funny to put jam in my hat as a prank. I felt the need to get him back so I put super glue in his boxers and laxatives in his cereal.

I was in the garden earlier when I pointed over to our neighbours garden and said to my wife; “Look at those fat red tomatoes!” She didn’t appreciate how rudely I was referring to Mr and Mrs Grant.

SCIENCE FACT: The Richter Scale was named after its inventor. Ian Scale.

I’m not stuck up- some of my best friends are lower-middle!

I always find people are more generous when they don’t know they’re giving.

Why can’t Oedipus play Scrabble with his family? He always stares at his mum’s rack.

What is a fat person’s favourite number? 3.142

Bit disappointed that my Amish online dating site hasn’t taken off yet.

I’ve just got sacked from my latest job as a teacher today, didn’t even last a day Apparently, Physical Education isn’t what I thought it was.

The App ‘Temple Run’ is just like the real world Monkeys chasing a white man for his coins