Category: one liner

I asked the bartender for something cold and filled with rum. So he recommended his wife.

Hermaphrodites – The only real single parents.

I think Fajita’s get a bad wrap these days

The wife said she was leaving me because I’m too lazy, I couldn’t be bothered to reply to such a comment.

I think it goes without saying…

Pyongyang – the only capital city that sounds like a ricochet sound effect from an old fashioned Western.

Botox, it’s not to be frowned upon.

I was going to learn what futile means, but now I think it’s pointless.

If you have a choice between ugly or fat, remember this. You can turn the lights out on ugly, but you can always feel the fat in the dark.

Your wife is like Communism, everybody gets a share.

A random man came up to me the other day and threw a handful of lego at me! I really don’t know what to make of this ?

Does anyone else wonder why when database latency is too high each time you refresh there is more people looking at the page?

Missing Yale student found in wall. She was plastered.

I’m jealous of my parents, I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs.

Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, the shaking icons make me feel like they’re all panicking over who’s going to be deleted.