Category: one liner

Nostalgia is heroin for old people.

I’m a respectful builder, I never underestimate anyone.

My wife complained about not being wanted, so I went to the post office and put up her picture.

You’ll be hard pressed getting me to watch The Iron Lady.

3.1415926 is a nice round number…

Just been out and bought the new Syrian Perfume. Poor Homs.

Progress is when each mistake you make is a new one.

“We’ll have less of that, a bit more often.”

Just heard that there will be a sequel to Gone in 60 Seconds. It’s rumoured to be set in Haiti

I poured a can of Lilt on my wife yesterday. I love tropical humour.

My mind is made up, Doctor Frankenstein is my dad.

They say you’re only 8 feet away from a five-a-side team.

I’m not politically correct, but my gollywog is.

I’ve been writing a book on desks.

Things are more like they are now than they ever have been before…