Category: one liner

My history teacher once asked me if I knew what the holocaust was. Hilarious, was apparently not the correct answer.

If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?

I’m quite the expert on palmistry, I’ve written a handbook

My wife just called me a liar, in front of the judge! Well she’s not my wife, just a girl I followed one Friday night through the park.

My girlfriend reminds me of a truck I once owned. She’s pretty beaten up and you can fit 4 people in.

I like how the ‘Delete Browsing History’ is in the safety part of the toolbar !

Apparently, baby powder + water does not equal baby.

Was listening to MC Hammer earlier and it got me thinking. Is there anything McDonald’s wont try to make money off?

i went into a fancy dress shop yesterday and asked if they had any long sticks used for jousting at medievil events, they said they didn’t stock them. You just can’t get the Staff these days

Being unattractive is just playing the dating game on hard mode.

Surely memory foam mattresses should remind you what her name is?

BREAKING NEWS: Blackpool fined 25,000 for fielding an understrength side against Aston Villa. IN OTHER NEWS: West Ham fined 1,000,000 for fielding an understrength side all season.

Communicating with Native Americans… it’s easy when you know How.

BBC iPlayer, Because hacking someone’s wireless connection is cheaper then a Television Licence.

The reason I talk to myself is that Im the only one whose answers I accept.