Category: one liner

Wonder if it’s possible to beat Tom Thumb within an inch of his life?

I haven’t made a prediction in my life and I never will.

I saw a book the other day by the famous British historian Guy Chapman, or as his friends liked to call him, Person Person Person.

If a ginger person leaves a suicide note, Does anybody read it?

When I try to say something tongue-in-cheek, most people just think I have a speech impediment.

My girlfriend’s a judge, last night she smeared Herbal Essences on her hands then gave me a conditional discharge.

Anybody else wonder why the army camouflage their helicopters in green?

Having no opinion is not enough; you also have to be incapable of expressing it.

Have I got multiple personalities? A part of me says yes.

Ever since I was a small boy I’ve never liked the look of Captain Birds Eye. There’s just something very fishy about him.

my husband wanted to make love to me whilst we were both covered in unrefined oil. I thought it a bit crude.

My teacher used to say I wasn’t very observant … …to be honest, that was his/her opinion.

If I had a pound everytime I went to the toilet in a train station, I’d need change.

Sadly, I’m a pessimist.

My name is Miles, but people call me Kilometres for short.