Category: one liner

Why do the taliban have to make a song and dance out of everything?

How did anyone notice the difference in Liverpool to tell there was rioting going on there?

Congratulations to Super Mario for winning the F1.

Nothing says “I’m a fat, ugly slag with a 400 car” quite like a ‘Babe on board’ window sign…

I really love my fanbase…without it my fan would fall over.

A little box keeps popping up on the screen. Double glazing or triple glazing. Must be a windows update.

I can’t think of anything that resembles Straw, but hey.

I put the washing out yesterday. That will teach me to be more careful where I light the barbecue.

I don’t care what people say, I’m a terrible psychiatrist.

The instructions on my microwave meal say ‘stir and recover’ How tiring do they think stirring actually is?

Must be tiring being a Plymouth fan playing Newcastle away, every single day…

I wish i could punch Soulja Boy thru the phone.

I’ve heard Matt Damon is going to play Oscar Wilde in his next movie, Bourne to be Wilde

Bread, who kneads it?

Thanks to Gwen Stefani, I can now spell Bananas.