Category: one liner

After that whale ate him, I bet Jonah cancelled his subscription to green peace.

I wear the trousers in our relationship. She tells me which ones to wear though.

Universal truth: Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

I went in the chemist the other day and asked the girl for a packet of Pyrex. ” Dont you mean Durex ?” she said….” no I’ve got some hot stuff waiting in the car”

I try to avoid deadlines when fisting.

I once got beat up while fighting for a girl’s honour…She wanted to keep it.

Scientists have designed a missile with a warhead filled with Nitrous Oxide. Must be some kind of Comical weapon

Say NO to racism. Or just dont get in the taxi in the first place.

An i for an i makes everything -1.

People often think I’m from Kent. I hear them whisper it as I walk past.

i rolled up a carpet and smoked it. I’m on the hard rugs

Me and the wife have been married for 15 years today, so we’re off down to the local registry office to renew our vows of celibacy to each other.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Went to Rome the other day, it got me thinking. What did Michelangelo do with the other fifteen chapels?

Maths, the only subject that counts.