Category: one liner

My girlfriend is essentially quite an elaborately designed right hand.

Just been to Doncaster and seen a sign for EARTH CENTRE pointing left, surely it should have been pointing straight down?

It doesn’t make a difference what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature

Humpty Dumpty has been found dead. Next of Kinder have been informed.

Wallaby: Noun: One who aspires to be a kangaroo

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

Women bakers. Know your roll.

There’s only one down side to having a stroke.

Walter Cronkite is dead. That’s the way it is.

I’m alergic to martial arts, i’ve got Kungfubia.

Went to the library earlier & took out a book on Kleptomania.

She was married in her grandmother’s wedding dress. She looked lovely, but her grandmother looked cold.

If anyone is thinking about buying an auto-biography, I don’t want to ruin the ending for you but they write a book.

We now go live to Geoff Shreeves, who is in the Barcelona dressing room informing each player individually that they will not be playing in the final.

How does a woman scare a Gynaecologist? By becoming a Ventriloquist.