Category: neighbours

I’ve been trying to get into the girl next door’s knickers. I’d managed to grab them off the line and get one leg through before her mum started banging on the window.

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn’t take it out of my garden.

My next door Neighbour’s Daughter said that when she gets older she wants to marry me. I was touched. A few minutes later, so was she.

My neighbour from Prague, turned up uninvited at my party at home. He brought all his friends and family and my house ended up full of Czechs. It took 3-5 working days to clear them.

I’ve been learning to speak Urdu for a few weeks now. It’s not an easy language but now I can at least communicate with my neighbours.

convince your neighbours that evolution is working backwards by not shaving for a week, walking to your car gradually more stooped each morning and wearing a monkey costume on the Friday.

My neighbours are so inconsiderate. They’re out, and for the last 2hrs I’ve had to listen to the incessant beeping of their smoke detector.

Child: ‘Mummy! Mummy! Are little birds made of metal?’ Mum: ‘Of course not, dear. Why do you think that?’ Child: ‘Daddy just said he’d like to screw the bird next door!’

The kid next door booted a football into my garden, so I punctured it with a knife. He almost bled to death but I think he learnt his lesson.

I saw my neighbour Walking down the street the other day. And thought to myself, what strange person would call their child that?

My neighbour went ballistic when she caught me giving her the V’s again. Its safe to say our weekly scrabble games are probably over.

My next door neighbour was desperate to go shopping and asked me to watch her kids that evening… …apparently, through their bedroom window, whilst wearing a nappy and nipple clamps wasn’t what she had in mind.

I had to climb Hadrian’s wall earlier. My neighbour never gives my football back.

My neighbours have been listening to music all night! I love my stereo.