Category: money

I said to wife “Don’t put that money in your mouth, it’s got germs on” She replied “Don’t be stupid, even germs can’t live on the money you make!”

Next is lot number 049 – The statue of liberty. Bidding will start at $8.00

My wife didn’t seem too bothered when I told her I’d lost my front door key the other night. Until I explained that the house had been repossessed.

I saw this girl last night and she looked amazing. An American would say she looked like a million dollars. But being British I thought that she looked like 659,674.12

“If I had a pound for every time someone said that” I would probably be getting paid hourly for being an english teacher.

Whoever said money doesn’t make you happy obviously hasn’t ever played a game of monopoly

Money can’t buy everything – for example, poverty.

2011 has been a disaster for me so far. I’ve gone from a pretty decent salary to travelling miles and miles in search of temporary employment. I finally found someone to take me on but it’s at more than a 55% pay-cut. On top of all this my Missus has just told me she pregnant […]

Must say, these postal strikes are working in my favour. The amount of “cash for gold” evenlopes that ive picked up from the depo this week has been well worth popping in to collect.

Put 7.50 in a pot and get a stranger to do the same. Then offer them the pot for 10 and leave with them thinking you’ve both made a 2.50 profit.

They say money doesn’t make you happy: I’ll take my chances being miserable around the pool then, thank you.

I said to my mate, “I’m very poor at the minute, so I’m going to join the army.” He said, “Why the army?” I replied, “You get a free haircut.”

I was really excited about opening a savings account, but once I started taking money out, I just lost interest.

My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cry.

“Each morning I look through the Forbes list of richest people. If I’m not there I go to work.”