Category: modern life

Typical. It’s Jubilee weekend and there’s no sign of the reign ending.

My girlfriend has just texted both our names to 58888 and she says we’re only 78% compatible. I said, “Hang on. You’ve just paid 3.50 to be sent a random percentage, …and you still think we are in any way compatible?”

At the job seeker’s interview: “What job would you really like to do?” “I have always wanted to be a lollipop man.” “Oh. I’m afraid that is for retired people.” “Not to worry, I can wait.”

So doctors want to ban smoking in cars… What about if we smoke handsfree?

This begging in the 21st century is getting ridiculous. Kid came up to me today with an electric cigarette & said “Got a spare battery mate?”

Of course it’s fun working in a shoe shop … … but behind the glittering, glamorous facade it’s just the same as any other form of slow death.

Not saying lawyers nowadays are parasites or anything, but I saw one at the fairground yesterday, handing out whiplash claim forms to people getting off the dodgems.

“And yea verily”, God declared, as was his usual manner of speech. “Unto the shops, the males may descend, as it be the eve of Christmas, to venture forth and purchase vast array of unwanted gifts for their Female spouse.” And descend they did, with the dole burning a hole in their pockets, and this […]

They say music is the language of spirits. So, next time your bank keeps you hanging on the phone, they’re probably taking you for a medium.

I think Tampax should change their slogan to “From our box, to yours”.

I’d been with my girlfriend for around 3 years, when I finally popped the question. Why are we still together?

People say I’m childish – so what, at the end of the day my dad will still batter their dad.

Bring back hanging before another tragedy hits home. Get rid of her timesaving tumble drier and make your woman peg clothes on the washing line.

I hate tele-sales people, they always find new ways to annoy you. For instance, this week i’ve been getting loads of calls from a bunch of them just gargling water down the phone at me… Must be an ‘in’ joke i suppose.

My wife said I’m acting like a woman lately,I didn’t react to her i just gave her the silent treatment and continued to put on my make up.