Category: modern life

Just shaved me head, rolled up the Levi’s, zipped up me bomber jacket and laced up me cherry red Dr Martin boots ready for some aggro…. Now Mother says I’m “not allowed out” Sometimes I don’t know why I bovver…

What do you call a man that likes savoury snacks? Scott Chegg

Why does the government say it is unacceptable to endure a 3 hour delay at Heathrow, but it seems OK on the M6 ?

My girlfriend recently asked how much I love her. “I love you more than my mum!” Joke’s on her though, because my mum doesn’t love her at all.

When I say I laughed out loud, I really mean that I made a kinda loud outward breath through my nostrils, similar to a bull.

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, “I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we’re going to be three in this house instead of two.” Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was glowing of happiness and kissing his […]

When I die, I want my tombstone to have free WiFI, so people visit more often.

Two hipsters walk into a bar you’ve never heard of…

I work for Ro’ya’l’ Ma’il. Before you point out the punctuation errors in this statement, bear in mind that apostrophes can be used to represent missing letters.

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Having a wife and as of yet, an unborn child. There really is no place like home. Which is why I stay in the pub.

At a party in a marquee, more and more people were coming in and the host hardly recognised anyone. So he clapped his hands for attention, and announced: “Let’s have some order. First, could everyone from the bride’s family please raise their hand?” Some people put a hand up. “Right,” said the host. “Now, could […]

When I see an article that shows a celebrity wearing the same outfit twice, I get furious and blow up a hospital

Saying “I don’t know whether I prefer Runescape or World of Warcraft” is like saying “I dont know if I’d rather have no friends due to having Downs or having a contagious disease”

Whenever I see those weekend dads, pushing some screaming brat about in McDonalds, face like thunder, I really wonder how many times they think to themselves… Was all this really worth 5 or 6 seconds of pleasure?