Category: modern life

I feel like the people who hand out leaflets are really saying, “Here, throw this away for me.”

anyone else watchin the grizzly man to see if they show him gettin killed in the end?

Guarantee waking up early by not eating the night before.

I can’t wait for tonight. A bunch of my mates are coming over to play on their phones.

When I was in my early 20’s all I wanted was thick hair and a thin wife. I’m in my 30’s now and have got it the other way around.

I hate conspiracy theorists. I’m sure they’re all working together somehow to bring down society.

2010: You’re only cool if you have silly bandz. 2011: Planking is boss. 2012: HEY! Let’s all choke on cinnamon.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Dr Bernados, Oxfam and Save The Children for all the good work they do day in day out I haven’t had to purchase any bin liners for at least three years…

Today my son taught me some of the maths he is being taught at school… I think it’s safe to say that I have learnt from my mistakes.

Kvetch – to complain habitually. I’d have that written on my headstone, but they’d probably misspell it.

I had the worst hangover of my life at work the other day. I’ve never felt so rough; I spent most of the first hour repeatedly vomiting into a sink. I’m not allowed to do any more Baptisms for a while.

These Boy-bands seem to love their fathers. Boyzone covered “Father and Son” as a tribute to their Dads… Westlife performed alongside their Dads on ITV… And now The Wanted have released a song thanking their Dads for everything… “Glad you Came”.

I just noticed that my boxers have a label on them that says “part of a set” … I am a little upset that I didn’t get the matching bra …

Busy? In a meeting? Put your phone on silent, so instead of being interrupted by texts, you can be interrupted by constantly checking for texts.

Summer vacations: where you drink triple, see double and act single.