Category: misunderstanding

I have finally decided that it is time to put the family dog down. My arms are starting to ache.

A dating agency forwarded me the phone number of a girl for a blind date. I decided to give her a call… “Hi,” I said, “It’s Joe Whitehouse, the dating agency gave me your number. Would you like to go for a meal this week?” “Great!” She replied “Do you like Indian food?” I asked. […]

I got stopped by the Police as I drove home from the pub last night. “Have you been drinking, Sir?” he asked. “Absolutely not,” I replied, “I’ve been drinking Kronenburg.”

“Can you tell me about the birds and the bees” i said to my grandfather after a disturbing and graphic 20 minute talk, i still know nothing for my wildlife exam

My son asked if I wanted to play Club Penguin with him, I thought that it sounded like fun, so why not? I got the wrong end of the stick… Now I’m banned from the zoo and my son is in counselling….

My wife looked up from watching the news and said, “I can’t believe that the Queen is getting cosy with a murderer”. “You can’t say that”, I hissed, “There’s no proof that Prince Philip had anything to do with Princess Diana’s death.”

I was expecting young girls running and jumping around in short sports skirts when i sat down with a box of tissues to watch the film ‘Rounders’………….. All i got was Matt Damon playing cards for 2 hours.

What happened this summer has cost the city of Manchester millions, and has ruined the city’s proud reputation…. The signing of David De Gea.

When my wife came in from the doctors she looked a little shaken. “Everything alright?” I asked. “I’m a bit worried about my doctor, he took my temperature in a weird place” “Where?” I asked. “The waiting room” she said.

A homeless man approached me today and said, “Have you got the price of a cup of tea mate?” I replied, “Yeah, It’s 50p at that cafe across the road.”

Sky News Headline – Veteran Swingers Promise Jolly Good Show The band from Cuba… Most misleading headline, ever.

Saw this really fit bird on the train last night, I asked if she was single. She said no, I’m return.

My mate asked me ‘What is your opinion on euthanasia?’ ‘Well’ I said, ‘I prefer whites, but a child is a child’ I dont think thats what he meant.

Police have thwarted a gangland plot to shoot super-middleweight boxer George Groves in the ring. That’d be a painful way to die.

The optician in Specsavers led me to the examination room. When we got inside she, turned off the light and sat directly across from me. She then smiled at me, asked me to put my chin on some sort of head rest and mentioned something about a ‘blowing sensation’ And that, your honour, is why […]