Category: misunderstanding

My boss just asked me to come in her office. It turns out we meant different things

When I saw a positive pregnancy test left on the side in the bathroom a couple of months after my 14 year old daughter got her first boyfriend, I did what any good father would do. I waited until she was sleeping, then crept into her bedroom and hit her hard across the belly six […]

I was shopping for furniture when I noticed a ticket that said “Pull out and save up to 500. “Surely pulling out saves more then that.” I thought to myself

Went to see my mate who works on a farm that i haven’t seen for ages “Hey!!” He waved & shouted. Then i woke up here, in hospital, after being crushed by 30 bales of hay.

My mate said, “Did you hear farmer Young got trampled by one of his own cows?” I replied, “Yeah, I was at the funeral today. I even saw the cow at it.” “Oh, how was it then?” He asked “Delicious, cooked to perfection.”

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted for Christmas. “Something that goes round my finger, thats sparkly and I can show off too my family and friends” she said, I think she’ll love the LED YOYO I got her.

On my first day at Uni I was just telling my tutor, “I am really interested in planes, and I want to be in the RAF.” He asked, “Have you ever seen an F16?” I said, “No, what sort of mad computers have you got?”

I got talking to one of my friends and I was saying how my son has a lot in common with Billy Elliot… “Has he started dancing?” My mate said “No” I replied, “I used his dead mum’s piano as firewood.”

It’s offical, June was the wettest ever. Does anyone know where she lives,I’d loved to meet her?

It was my dying daughters wish to be on Top Of The Pops… So I buried her on a couple of crates of Cherryade and Cola.

I was sat in a cafe earlier when a blonde looked up to catch me watching her eat her banana. She started sucking on it, gave me a wink and said, “Teasing you, am I?” “You sure are” I replied, “I could murder a banana right now.”

So I’ve got a new girlfriend. She invited me round to her place for dinner the other night. We were in the kitchen, just about to start making dinner when she asked me to turn on the veg. Apparently, fingering her paraplegic daughter was not the right move….

My wife and I have been going through a trial separation and today we met for coffee to discuss how things have been going. After a few pleasantries, she said, ” I need to tell you that for the last few weeks I’ve been seeing a counsellor.” I looked at her for a moment and […]

BBC news: Prince welcomes Queen to RAF base I didn’t realise the RAF were so into their musicians

I got on the bus today and said to the driver, “To the new go-kart track please.” “Return?” He said. “I may do if it’s any good.”