Spent most of today at th …
Spent most of today at the dentist’s. That’s the last time I’m having Dominos for tea.
Continue ReadingSpent most of today at the dentist’s. That’s the last time I’m having Dominos for tea.
Continue ReadingA police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say,…” “And I said […]
Continue ReadingMy sister had a baby yesterday so I went to Clintons this morning to get her a card. “Did she have a girl or a boy?” asked the girl behind the counter. “Of course she did.” I replied.
Continue ReadingMy Grandad, quite a man for the Ladies it doesn’t matter how clearly the Gents is signposted
Continue ReadingI think I’m addicted to Speed. I just love the camaraderie between Keanu Reeves & Sandra Bullock.
Continue ReadingCameron’s Father Dies: PM With Him In France Why would I ‘private message’ a dead person?
Continue ReadingWife: “So, how do I look?” Husband: “You look like a picture” Wife: “Awwww what kind?” Husband: “A landscape”
Continue Reading“An eye for an eye turns the world blind.” Look on the bright side, everyone gets a dog.
Continue ReadingGillan and Adrian Bayford are the second biggest lottery winners ever. Wow! I didn’t think they came bigger than those two.
Continue ReadingA tourist stopped me and asked if I could direct them to the beach. “Certainly.” I said. “Just walk any direction in a straight line, and then stop when you feel yourself drowning.”
Continue ReadingIndian names aren’t always read as they appear. I am now banned from Mr S. Pastik’s convenience store.
Continue ReadingI ran a red light on my way home yesterday, and a policeman pulled me over. He said, “Have you been drinking, Sir?” I replied, “Yes, loads of times. Great fun, isn’t it?”
Continue ReadingMy neighbour knocked on the door this morning she said, “I couldn’t sleep last night, your fireworks were banging.” I said, “Oh cheers, I’m glad you liked them.”
Continue ReadingWhy are there instructions on shampoo bottles? Who needs that? It’s not difficult, you just put some on your hand… then jerk off.
Continue ReadingThat’s the last time the wife will make me do anything in the kitchen. “How do I cook this pizza?” “Put the oven on Max for half an hour.” Our son’s funeral was today.
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