Category: misunderstanding

“Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air.” I actually tried this action. It was only after I cut off my hands that I realised I could no longer throw them.

I was walking with my Husky this morning when we were approached by a strange looking fellow. “That dog would make me a lovely coat!” He evilly laughed whilst rubbing his hands together. “I doubt it mate” I replied, “he’s never even used a sewing machine.”

I’m moving to heaven. Apparently there’s jobs there.

According to the news, some scientists are saying that the severe UK winter weather is actuallythebuildup to another ice age. Personally I thought theyd run out of idea’s for sequels by now, I mean how many more situations can that rat thing get itself into while chasing an acorn?

I took a vase to get valued on the Antiques Roadshow, and they told me it was ‘absolutely priceless’. Well, I got 4 quid for it at a car boot sale last weekend. Who’s laughing now?

I was driving home from work when I saw a sign that said, ‘Caution, Bikes on the road”. Which made me think, since when did their bikes become more of a danger to me, than my car does to them?

I said to my wife “today is my day off and I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets”. “awww..” she replied, “but why three?” I said “they are for you and your parents”

Just walked past a pub sign that read “Three courses 15.50” Feel sorry for all those students paying about 9 grand for one.

I was out last night and I met this really attractive girl. We were chatting and it came out she was only 16 years old. I felt a bit uncomfortable but she seemed very mature so I relaxed. After a lot of drinks and flirting she told me to “take her home and make her […]

It was tough growing up with strict parents as a deaf kid. At meal times I was always told off for speaking with my hands full.

I was in the shopping centre car park the other day and I saw this man park in the disabled area. He got out of the car and there was nothing wrong with him. I was so angry that I ran him over! Then his wife got out and started waving her crutches at me!

My girlfriend’s expecting a ring on Valentine’s. To be honest, it’s unlikely. I’ll probably have to take the wife out, so she’ll have to be happy with a text.

“Two Dead As Rock Crashes Onto German House” Looks like wrestling is more dangerous than I thought.

I remember going to the park with my dad wearing a Donald Duck hat and a sailor suit. Why he wore that, I’ll never know.

A little boy goes to his dad and says, “Dad, can I ask you a question?” His father replies, “Sure, son. What is it?” The little boy says “What’s a Manager?” “Well,” the father began “a manager is someone who makes important decisions at work, who helps others learn and develop and who takes the […]