Category: magic

Harry Houdini, David Blaine and many other famous magicians have, for centuries, been trying to perfect the magic art of ‘disappearance’. Now realising their fatal mistake, many magicians have received a new agent. According to the newspapers, Kate McCann is thrilled with her new job.

I just saw the magician Dynamo on the High street. He said, “Try and pick me up” I said, “You have beautiful eyes”

A magician is practicing new tricks at home when he accidently turns his family into a three piece suite , after trying to reverse the spell he fails so rings an ambulance . Hours later he phones the hospital to see how they are doing and the doctor says ‘ oh they’re very comfortable ‘

I really hate the Tangle Fairy. That mythical creature who’s domain is headphone cables, Christmas tree lights and hosepipes.

Did you hear about the magic tractor? It turned into a field.

My Maths teacher told me two negatives make a positive. So I told her she’s fat and ugly.

‘…I never wanted to be a magician, but when my sister came home and said she was getting 100-a-trick, I thought, “It’s magic for me!”

Looking into the reflection of two mirrors opposite each other, a surefire way of raping your own mind.

Some people say I’m a god, others just think I’m a dog. Depends which way you look at it.

I should’ve read the instructions on Pandora’s box before I opened it. But it was all Greek to me.

My wife was furious when I quit my job to become a magician but I’ve now mastered the sawing a lady in half trick and will be doing my first show tonight. Shame she won’t be there but sometimes these things take a couple of tries to get it right.

I wish I had a genie.

Two gypsy fortune-tellers meet on the street: “You’re fine, how am I?”

I asked this loser street magician if he could tell me the way to the train station. Now I’m totally lost. To be fair, he’s pretty good at misdirection.

My mate was waxing lyrical about the magic of Dynamo earlier. “He’s good, but my mate can make anything disappear in an instant” I said. “Is he a magician aswell?” he asked. “No” I replied, “He’s a scouser.”