Category: lottery

I swore I wouldn’t change if I won the lottery. But I was wearing stockings, suspenders and a gimp mask when I found out, so I kind of had too.

My mate was telling me how he always plays the same numbers for the lottery. 4, 9, 16, 25 and 36. What a square.

As my wife read the winning lotto numbers off the ticket she said, “Pinch me to make sure I’m not dreaming!” “It’s that ticket I’ll be pinching thank you fatty,” I replied, “My quid paid for it.”

After winning the lottery I thought, the first thing I’m going to do is fill my car with fuel. Then that dream was shattered as they announced that there had been two lucky jackpot winners.

After scooping 32m on the Euro millions the courts ordered me to by my ex-wife her own Island. She is going to be well chuffed, I bought her one off the council, it’s down by Tesco.

I turned sixteen today and I can now legally do what I’ve been fantasising about all of these years. Buy a lottery ticket.