Category: lottery

My wife said, “I don’t know what I’d say if you ever won the lottery.” I said, “Oh, there’s three little words that spring to mind.” She said, “I love you?” I said, “No… where’s he gone?”

EuroMillions jackpot winner will be richer than veteran pop stars Rod Stewart and David Bowie. Unless of course one of them won it.

My missus asked, “If you won the lottery would you still stay with me?” I said, “No.” She said, “That was a bit blunt.” I said, “Oh sorry, Nah.”

Thats the last time I tell Derren Brown a secret.

BBC News: “Earthquake hits English Channel” Yeah, that couple got pretty excited and started jumping up and down when they won the Euromillions.

My mate said, “If I won 161 million on the lottery, I’d buy Greece for a laugh.” I said, “What would you spend the other 160 million on?”

My mate asked me, “What’s the first thing you would do if you won the lottery?” I replied, “Collect the winnings.”

I tell you, if i had a pound for everytime i haven’t won on a scratchcard, i’d probably be more inclined to play.

Having not long seen Derren Brown predict the National Lottery numbers, I was amazed. However, I’m sure that people who missed it and have to watch Channel 4 +1 will be far less impressed.

Begging letter sent to me yesterday: HI and great news on your mega lottery win. My name is Sally and my 3 year old daughter Sam has 2 months to live after contracting Liver cancer. Please please help her last days be memorable. My reply: Hi Sally, So sorry to hear your news about Sam. […]

Introducing the new ‘Health Lottery’ Diet: The quickest way to Loose a Pound a week!

Note to self… Always check the lottery results before trying to kill yourself!

If I’d have picked 6 different numbers I would have won the lottery last night. Couldn’t believe it.

“BBC NEWS – Colin & Chris Weir – 161 MILLION POUNDS!” They also won the lottery you know?

Bus driver claims three lives. These Lottery jackpot prizes are just getting daft.