Category: joke

I think it’s rather unfair how all the Harry Potter fans can turn up to their movie wearing wizard-like clothing, but when I turned up with my car to watch transformers they wouldn’t let us in

I got attacked by a swarm of bees. They stole my Nectar card.

I hit an elderly lady with a tennis ball earlier. I warned her what would happen if she kept refusing to give it back.

Had a top secret meeting with all the dimensions in the universe to discuss what will happen in the future. I think only time will tell.

The lady at the dole office looked at me and said, “Mr Davies… A few of us are beginning to question whether you are actually seriously seeking employment.” “What?”, I responded, “That’s absurd! Why would you suggest such a thing?” “Well.. It’s just most people will make the effort of changing out of their pyjamas […]

“Burger King sold for 3.36bn” Once the munchies wore off I bet he was gutted.

I was gonna post a joke about something that made me smile last week, but couldn’t log on. Oh well, it’ll have probably been buried by now anyway.

Oh no! Oh no! OH NO! I’ve been sacked from my town crier job!

My wife says i treat her with no respect, but thats just not the case, i think she was just grumpy because her bowl was empty.

What is white, red and silver? An Emo teenager’s wrist.

The other day, I decided to get my girlfriend pregnant to save money. I mean, do you know how expensive milk is these days!?

I wish I could get my CRB check deleted as quick as my jokes.

My jokes are a lot like the Queen it’s just waiting to be buried by a racist.

My missus hated stubble, so before a family dinner on her birthday I totally clean-shaved. At dinner I announced, “Hey, I shaved completely for you for your birthday.” And she replied, in front of my Dad, “Oooh, me too!”

As a rule at my Newsagents. I don’t serve Bus drivers who don’t have the right change.