Category: joke

News: Australian Surfer “Torn Apart” in Horrific Shark Attack. Friends pulled his body from the water – and that’s not even the half of it.

The other day my friend asked me if he should be a Stand-Up Comedian. I said: “No, you should be a Black Man instead.” “Why?” he replied. “Because you steal all your jokes.”

Did you hear about the detective who lost his luggage? It was a brief case.

When I told my family I wanted to be a stand up comedian they all burst out laughing. I thought well at least its a step in the right direction

I got stopped by a woman in the street today who tried to tell me a joke – it started off really well. Pain, suffering, abuse, maybe a bit of incest. I didn’t get the punchline though. Something about 2 a month?

Haringey Council apparently sent a foster child to live with airline bomb plotter Ahmed Ali and his family in Walthamstow. That’s appalling. Fancy sending a child to live in Walthanmstow!

What’s black and looks good on my wife? The bin liners I’ve just wrapped her battered corpse in.

Son: “Dad, why do people keep asking me for directions?” Dad: “I haven’t the slightest idea Tom Tom.

My girlfriend just dumped me for endlessly re-using common formats of jokes.

Why are mountains so funny? Because they are hill areas.

As a kid I always wanted to be a fireman, and I’m so happy to have finally achieved that ambition. And now I’m older I can an even spell it the “adult” way….. Pyromaniac.

I read in the Daily Mail today that policemen are no longer allowed to say “Sure as eggs is eggs,” in case it offends women with fertility problems. Am I the only one who thinks that any woman that gets offended by that shouldn’t be allowed to have children anyway?

Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.

My girlfriend is leaving me for the most ridiculous reason. Apparently I am addicted to cricket. Oh well I suppose we had a good innings.

Hobbies Include running through parks and photography. Well it sounds better then Flashing in the park.