Category: joke

The Headmaster came to observe my lesson and then called me into his office. “Mr Blake, you’re either a fraud or the laziest Games Teacher I’ve ever seen,” He said. “I don’t know what you mean Headmaster…I taught them Connect 4 yesterday, so today it was Buckeroo.”

The only job where you start from the top is digging a hole.

Michael Shields is worried that what with his reputation and just being released from prison, he won’t be able to find employment. His mam has told him that he could always try his hand at being a brickie

I treat my jokes like my children. I fiddle with them until I’m satisfied.

I was in the work canteen the other day and started shaking salt all over my chicken. My work colleague looked over and said, “Would you like some chicken to go with that salt?” I replied, “Would you like some laughter to go with that joke?”

I spent hours thinking up a joke on people with no tongues but then I thought… nah it’ll be tasteless.

When my satellite dish stopped working, I used a bin lid instead. Now I get nothing but rubbish

There’s nothing I enjoy more than violently pulling donkey’s tails. I get a real kick out of it.

What did Big Ben say to the leaning tower of Pisa? “I’ve got the time if you’ve got the inclination”

Politically I’m far left. But my jokes are only ever far right.

I used the coin bin on the Severn Bridge this morning. That took it’s toll.

3 Scousers and an angry black man are riding around in a black van It must be the Ay Team

For my work, I do all the motorway line markings. You know, just your standard middle of the road job.

To be perfectly honest, I think a lot of the guys here would be best served if they just divorced their obese wives.

I got kicked out of the theatre last night for abusive heckling. Now I’ve got to explain my actions to the Hospital Board and fellow surgeons.