Category: joke

I had to ring the kid’s school today, apologising for them being late in and a little dishevelled, due to us sleeping through the alarm .. We were quite lucky too it was only a small fire.

A friend of mine rung me and said he had just seen the actress from the 1960’s tv show The Avengers cycling past him. I said “Honor Blackman?” He said “No……. just on a push bike”

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost.

What do you call all the best jokers on Sickipedia? British.

I’m no brain surgeon, which is why I was escorted from the scene of the accident in handcuffs.

Just had a Job interview with G4S. It went rather well! They said I should hear back in september

My wife stormed in with a red face and screamed at me that I’m too obsessed with Batman. Why so serious?

Wanna see a funny reaction? Sit down at dinner, look very seriously at your children and inform them that due to the economic crisis, you’re gonna have let one of them go.

So my girlfriend just nearly broke up with me, over the phone before shouting APRIL FOOLS! Jokes on her, I’ve just sent her a text from her dead Father’s old phone.

I was raised Catholic but I’m trying to become a Lutheran so I can get on board to try and kill Superman.

I gave this dyslexic girl a facial the other day. Afterwards I told her “you’re the stupidest girl I’ve ever come across”.

Why did the germ cross the microscope? To get to the other slide.

If you ever say you’re going to do some stand-up comedy, you’ll find that all your friends, your family and your work colleagues will be really keen to come along. “I’d love to come to that!” they’ll say. Before you get a warm glow inside and think of how popular you are, remember one thing: […]

A good friend of mine has just been on holiday & he was showing me some slides he brought back last night. I said, “We do have playgrounds in Britain you know.”

I came onto Sickipedia today, and couldn’t believe how many “I almost” jokes there were. I almost dropped my laptop.