Category: joke

Two cannibals are eating a Sickipedian…. one says to the other… well this is tasteless.

I wish Hula Hoops had age categories on them so I could still fit them around my enlarged 19 year old fingers.

Never be proud of your choices. Your wife is one of them.

The local orphanage asked for a donation. So I sent over two of my kids.

That’s out of line. way

With 149 days until Christmas,Harrods and Selfridges launched their earliest ever Christmas displays today……………. Which reminds me,i must get my Christmas cards sent out this weekend,so that the Royal Mail get them there on time.

A policeman stopped me the other night, he taps on the window of the car and says: ‘Would you please blow into this bag, Sir’. I said: ‘What for, Officer?’ He says: ‘My chips are too hot’.

it always makes me laugh when little chavs try to steal my NY yankies hat. I always have my caps lock on

I couldn’t believe my luck earlier. I’d only just finished chopping the Habenero chilli’s when my wife called out from the other room, “I think I’ve got something in my eye… Can you have a look?”

What do you call a one legged woman? Ilean.

A CIA spy is on his first day scouting Moscow. Fluent in Russian, he is confident of blending into the crowd. First, he stops at a store to get an apple. The lady there gives him a big smile, “Morning Mr American, how can I help you?” Shocked, he quietly buys an apple. Next stop, […]

I got home from work today and my wife was sitting in the lounge almost asleep. “What’s up love? Tired?” I asked. “Knackered,” she replied, “How could you tell?” “Well, the baby’s in the back garden and you’re breastfeeding the dog.”

We’ve kicked this emu out of our club because he was too big. He’s been ostrich sized.

Getting old is a bit like getting drunk; everyone else looks brilliant.

Anyone else think that the Scottish Widow blatantly murdered her husband?