Category: joke

My mate give me this weird pen the other day. I started writing before a gang of people, a dog and a van popped out the end of it. I was so confused. Must’ve been mystery ink.

Women are so dramatic. ‘Be careful, you’ll have my eye out with that!’ With a tennis ball mum? REALLY?

My girlfriend asked, “Why don’t you ever get my jokes about your laziness?” I said, “Get them yourself”

The pub quiz last night was Run DMC themed and I didn’t do very well. Well it’s like that, and that’s the way it is.

You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. Even more so if you are a man.

Right, it just took me 10 minutes to get on. Who’s dead now?

Due to the rising prices of everyday items, iv had to milk my cereal for every penny.

What do you get when you cross McDonalds with autism? Asburger’s.

My mate is really irritating- instead of facing his problems, he just hides from them. His name is Wally.

BBC News “Recent studies show that most Google searches these days are from people trying to see if most of these headlines actually exist”

like all honest, hardworking people nowadays… Im white.

I left a sign outside my house that said “Beware of the dog”. Days later, despite the sign -the postman had knocked on the door. Before I could tell him to run away, a huge dog appeared; growling and drooling. “Do you have any idea what time it is?!” My wife said.

Can I play in the sandbox, Mummy? Not until I find a better place to bury Daddy.

You know its a joke on here when it starts with ”I was talking to a girl….”.

Landed in Saudi Arabia to see a mate and showed him the bag of pot I snuck into the plane. “Flush that or your gonna get stoned!” What an idiot, that’s what pot is suppose to do!