Category: irony

Definition of Irony: wheeling my Nan into the walk-in center.

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said “Who’s speaking please?” And a voice said “You are.”

The cinema. Where you can legally watch a movie as long as you are willing to sit through continuous messages warning you not to illegally download movies and to instead support your local cinema.

Just think – the old homeless guy who sits outside my local station doesn’t know what it’s like to have a full tummy on Christmas Day. But he will do this Friday, thanks to me – I’m gonna go down there and tell him.

Have you ever hit your elbow, and found it even slightly funny?

IRONY: Ex Blue Peter presenter Peter Duncan getting diagnosed with hypothermia.

X Factor, absolute compulsive irony. Every 2 minutes, the enjoyment of seeing a black person blubbering … ‘Everything I’ve worked so hard for, has been taken away’

A friend told me that he’s scared of dwarfs. I asked him if he’s also scared of normal people when they’re far away.

Yesterday I bought a shirt with a picture of Wally on it. Now I can’t find it.

I went into my local off licence and picked up a bottle of Frosty Jacks cider today. “You having a wild night?” Asked the shopkeeper laughing. “Nah mate,” I replied, “I’m planning on redecorating the bathroom and I see that you’re out of paint stripper.”

What’s the defenition of irony? Americans laughing at Homer Simpson for being stupid.

I’ll never forget what my old grandad told me. ‘If a story is worth telling, it’s worth exaggerating’. That was just after he had single handedly won the second world war.

I like to think of myself as quite a lucky a guy. Every time I go on an internet site I seem to be the 999,999th visitor! All I do is enter all my credit card details and wait for the prize! What are the chances!

How ironic would it be if someone killed Sean Penn with a sword.

My wife thinks I sound too much like Jeremy Clarkson. So I’ll try to prove her wrong. I mean, how hard can it be?