Category: homeless

Living rough in a cardboard box has it’s advantages. Whenever I take a bird back and nail them they usually don’t like to stick around for cuddles.

This bloke came up to me in the street today with his hand held out and said, “Fifty pence for a cup of tea mate.” I said, “Go on then, milk two sugars.”

I went to the box office earlier, Or as homeless people call it, the estate agents.

I feel bad for the homeless. They’ll never be able to enjoy a glade plug in!

A homeless guy just approached me asking for change. I said, “Oh yeah, pal, asking me for money but I see you can afford those trendy jeans with the rips in.”

On the box of matches I bought it says Danger Fire Kills Children! That’s misleading because it had the same effect on the tramp I set fire to.

I saw a homeless guy sat in a doorway, holding his hand out. So I pulled some loose change out my pocket and handed him fifty pence. He pointed to a pound coin and said “Can I have that?” I said, “Beggars can’t be choosers mate.”

I was disgusted as i watched a tramp take a Bigmac out of the bin and start to eat it. But then he took the gherkin out.

I asked a homeless guy where he was from. He said,”I’m originally from just outside.”

A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking tramp who asked him for a couple of pounds for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted two quid and asked, “If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whisky?” “No, I stopped […]

A tramp asked me for a pound yesterday. I asked him if he`d got change for a twenty.

So im walking down the street and this man is sitting on the floor outside JD sports with a blanket, a dog, a guitar and a bucket of money. Suddenly, in a spontanious act of kindness he lifts up the bucket and says “spare change”, so i haistely grabbed a handfull and treated my self […]

I never give money to homeless people because, 1. They probably make more money than I do. 2. They get to work from home. 3. They drink on the job.

A guy went into a bar and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. He leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, “Well, it looks plastic.” Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, “But it feels like rubber.” Curious, […]

I’ve just been arrested for feeding a wagon wheel to a homeless guy. Apparently he got a splinter in his mouth.