Category: homeless

How come all the supposedly homeless people in London seem to be sleeping in doors?

I got told by a tramp that I socialise too much. I said ‘you can’t talk, you’re out all the time’.

I’d love to help the homeless people…. I just don’t know where they live.

Begging for spare change in the street must be very humiliating. For this reason, before I hand over my 10p, I make the tramp do a little dance for me and my mates. That way, he has provided a service and has earned the money, thereby gaining some self respect.

I hate when jobless people say they’re ‘between jobs’ You never hear a tramp saying “I’m between homes”.

I like to do my bit to help get the homeless off the streets… A couple of laxatives in their meths usually does the trick.

What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing.

Homeless people-You woudn’t be half as poor as you are if you didn’t waste all your money on sharpies and cardboard.

My wife said she’s leaving me because I act like a tramp. I begged her not to go.

Change is good… …ask a tramp.

Its said that opposites attract, which is true with me and my wife. She likes to help homeless people back onto their feet, whilst I like to kick them to the ground.

I never used to agree with arsonists setting fire to houses, until I became homeless. Now I’ve started to warm to them.

Dogs are clever because they mark their territory with urine. They pee on it, they think it’s theirs. Imagine if people did that, the homeless would own everything.

I painted a homeless guy who was asleep on a park bench tonight. If he’s still there tomorrow, I’ll give him another coat.

I was walking past a tramp earlier, but ignored him as i was in a rush. ‘How do you sleep at night?!’ he shouted at me. ‘In wonderful comfort thanks,’ I said, ‘how about you?’