Category: holidays

No one ever mentions the 1000 miles of trouble free luxury cruising before the iceberg…..

International Women’s Day?.. Might as well call it laundry day.

I once went on an 18-30 holiday, which was fun, but 12yrs is just too long.

A tourist asks a local person – Have you got any attractions in here? – We used to but she recently got married.

I came home tonight and said to the wife, “Guess what babe? I’ve booked us a holiday!” She said, “You’re kidding! Where are we going?” I said,”Well let me put it this way. Do you like camel trekking?” She said, “Oh my God! India? Africa?” I said, “No, Blackpool. It’s the cheapest way to get […]

I went to Blackpool on holiday and knocked at the first boarding house that I came to. A women stuck her head out of an upstairs window and said ‘What do you want?’. ‘I’d like to stay here’ ‘Ok. Stay there’

When on holiday in Mexico I asked a local why their beaches where so much better than ours. He replied “Theee food, theee sunshine and more exercise senor”

After a win on the lottery I decided on a round the world trip and I kept a diary. Went to France saw the tower in Paris, It was an eyeful. Went to Denmark saw Lego land. I didn’t know what to make of it. Went to China saw the wall. It was great. Went […]

My drugs councillor has suggested that a holiday would strengthen my will power and reduce my anxiety. AMSTERDAM…Here I come!

i went to a hotel the other day, i knocked on the door, no answer, knocked again,still no answer, knocked one more time and an old woman opened the door, she said ‘what do you want?’ i said ‘i want to stay here’ she sad ‘stay there then’ and shut the door

I’m a drug tourist. I never actually go anywhere, I just sit at home, get stoned and wait for the hallucinations of exotic foreign travel to kick in.

Just got back from my holiday in France, everyone there was friendly, polite and co-operative. Typical French, refusing to live up to their comedy stereotypes.

There was a sign outside my hotel in Warsaw: “English, French, Spanish, German, Russian and Italian spoken here.” I tried to make myself understood in several of those languages, without success. In the end, using broken Polish, I asked one of the waiters to tell me who actually spoke all the languages on the sign. […]

What do you call an Ibizan terrorist.. All summer bin larging it.

Not sure where to go on holiday this year. Its a choice between Thailand and Australia. So Ive drawn up a list, outlining the Pro’s and Cons.