Category: food and drink

I turned to my wife the other day and said ‘they should call you warburtons’ ‘oh very funny, because I’m inbred?’ she replied sarcastically. I replied ‘no, your only useful for a sandwich’

I just got back from the future… are Wagonwheels ever small.

I like going to McDonald’s and asking for an application. Then I crumble it up and shout “HA! Like I’d work here. Get me a chocolate shake.”

I tried one of those cereal bars this morning. What a rip off – they were charging 4.50 for a pint of Frosties.

My wife asked me to describe her as a food. I opted for Yorkshire pudding. What about a jam roly poly??

This new Magner’s is as good as drugs….There’s Methadone in the Magner’s.

Is it me, or is Turkish Delight very Moorish?

Villagers of a small remote African village get up early to to walk 5 miles to fetch clean water everyday, which begs the question….why don’t they just move the village closer?

I’ve just had that feeling where it feels like something inside me died. To be fair, i should’ve killed it first before i ate it

What’s a Pedophiles favorite type of cheese……..Baby Bell-end.

I tried my first kiwi fruit yesterday. It was hairier than I was expecting. Still, he was a good kisser and had a nice, tight ring.

I was sat eating my tea last night, I said to my wife, “Did you cook this?” She said. “Yes, why?” I said, “There’s something wrong with it.” “What do you mean?” she replied. I said, “It tastes quite nice.”

Treated the wife to a slap up meal at our local paki restaurant last night. She had a Big Mac and I had a Quarter Pounder.

I am thinking of going on the next series of Dragons Den with a toaster actually big enough to take a full slice of bread.

Once I popped open a can of Pringles. Then I stopped.