Category: food and drink

Prunes are dehydrated plums. Therefore, prune juice does not exist.

My wife left to get me my food from McDonald’s over three hours ago and she still hasn’t returned. I’m really starting to get worried now… My fries will be getting cold.

American food giant buys Cadburys. This isn’t in the financial news. Just an observation on a normal day for an American tourist.

BBC News – ‘Our pub’s about to shut?!?’ They’re shut now, its nearly three in the morning.

I’m not fat, I’m just ready for the winter.

When the old man told me to ‘give him a break’, i don’t think lobbing KitKats at him was what he meant.

Looks like there is a heatwave in London at the moment. Someone’s double decker has melted in the middle of the road.

I have invented a new fizzy fruit drink that you can wash your hands with. It’s called Sani-Tizer.

Whats white and can’t climb trees? A Fridge.

On my way out the door, the wife has just shouted, “It’s earth day, today.” I said, ” It’s always earth day but can we have it with chips tonight instead.”

I told my mate I was going to the nearby shop. He asked me to get him a chocolate bar while I was there. “What kind of chocolate bar?” I asked. “Just get me a Galaxy” He replied. He wasn’t impressed when I got back and gave him a Milky Way.

After spending over 20 years without ever seeing a paki gravestone I’ve finally realised where donner meat comes from.

I’ve just experienced what life will be like in the future, when the economy has collapsed beyond repair, war has broken out everywhere and everyone is living in awful conditions. I just had lunch at Little Chef.

I was sacked from my job at McDonalds for stealing a portion of fries. I took it with a pinch of salt.

I don’t think I could ever fist someone. I’m pretty sure my hand would instinctively grope around for a Pringle while it was in there.