Just sorted out a drippin …
Just sorted out a dripping tap in the kitchen. There’s nothing quite like cow fat on demand.
Continue ReadingJust sorted out a dripping tap in the kitchen. There’s nothing quite like cow fat on demand.
Continue ReadingI just bought some fairtrade honey. Does this mean the bees got more money?
Continue ReadingI didn’t realise that you could hire skips. I don’t understand how you get them back in the bag once you’ve eaten them, though?
Continue ReadingWhy do 5 pints of milk take longer to go through your body than 5 pints of Foster’s? Foster’s doesn’t have to change its colour.
Continue Reading“I’m leaving”, I said to my wife. “You’ll come crawling back”, she sneered. I just ignored her and continued on my way to the pub.
Continue ReadingPolice are looking for a rapist with honey, walnuts & filo pastry smeared on his face. The victim said he was wearing a baklava.
Continue ReadingPotato. The vegetable for fat people.
Continue ReadingI just bought some Armageddon Cola. The packet says – Best before end.
Continue ReadingIf I was looking for an emergency ‘keeper to save a penalty in a crowd of people, the LAST one I would choose would be the one scranning a Mars Bar.
Continue ReadingA man saw a sign in the window of a restaurant that read “Exotic Breakfast” so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. “What’s your Exotic Breakfast?” he asked. “Baked tongue of chicken!” she proudly replied. “Baked tongue of chicken? Do you have any […]
Continue ReadingHey McDonalds, I see in your advert you talk about how fantastic your Coffee is! And how you’ve practically mastered good Coffee! Well here’s an idea, why don’t you master making nice Food?
Continue Reading“Foiled again!”, said the baking tray.
Continue ReadingTook a trip to the cutlery factory. Had a forkin’ good time.
Continue ReadingDear Captain Birdseye, Your Chicken Curry is really nice; when will you be putting Chicken in it? Regards.
Continue ReadingDoes anyone else ever write the word ‘Banana’ and forget where to stop typing ‘na’. Bananana.
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