Category: food and drink

Just sorted out a dripping tap in the kitchen. There’s nothing quite like cow fat on demand.

I just bought some fairtrade honey. Does this mean the bees got more money?

I didn’t realise that you could hire skips. I don’t understand how you get them back in the bag once you’ve eaten them, though?

Why do 5 pints of milk take longer to go through your body than 5 pints of Foster’s? Foster’s doesn’t have to change its colour.

“I’m leaving”, I said to my wife. “You’ll come crawling back”, she sneered. I just ignored her and continued on my way to the pub.

Police are looking for a rapist with honey, walnuts & filo pastry smeared on his face. The victim said he was wearing a baklava.

Potato. The vegetable for fat people.

I just bought some Armageddon Cola. The packet says – Best before end.

If I was looking for an emergency ‘keeper to save a penalty in a crowd of people, the LAST one I would choose would be the one scranning a Mars Bar.

A man saw a sign in the window of a restaurant that read “Exotic Breakfast” so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. “What’s your Exotic Breakfast?” he asked. “Baked tongue of chicken!” she proudly replied. “Baked tongue of chicken? Do you have any […]

Hey McDonalds, I see in your advert you talk about how fantastic your Coffee is! And how you’ve practically mastered good Coffee! Well here’s an idea, why don’t you master making nice Food?

“Foiled again!”, said the baking tray.

Took a trip to the cutlery factory. Had a forkin’ good time.

Dear Captain Birdseye, Your Chicken Curry is really nice; when will you be putting Chicken in it? Regards.

Does anyone else ever write the word ‘Banana’ and forget where to stop typing ‘na’. Bananana.