Category: food and drink

I’ve invented a new unit of time, between putting some chicken in your mouth and realising you don’t like piri piri sauce. It’s a nandosecond.

A White Horse walks into a bar. The barman says, “Here, mate, we’ve got a drink named after you!” The horse says, “What, Steve?”

I read in a magazine that if you sit in a sauna for 30 minutes, you will lose 600 calories in sweat. I really hate saunas though, so instead, I’ve been putting my Big Mac and chips in there for half an hour before I eat it.

The Cook At My Local Chinese Is A Pervert. Peking Chef.

Italian scientists are becoming increasingly worried about people’s pasta consumption. Statistics have been released for a safe Carbonara Footprint.

Sign at the restaurant a few doors down. “Eat now, Pay waiter”

I don’t know what people like so much about Pot Noodles. They’re too dry and crunchy.

Never trust a man who, when left in a room alone with a tea cosy, doesn’t try it on.

I had the Hiroshima Breakfast this morning. One giant mushroom and loads of burnt soldiers

I’m on the Anthony Worral Thompson diet. You mostly eat cheese and do a lot of running.

Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, he’ll hoover up all the cod stocks in the Atlantic and drive blue fin tuna to the edge of extinction.

There’s definitely a point in catering when a long shelf life becomes a long half-life.

I drink scotch like its vodka.

Thanks to Weight Watchers, I have lost 50 pounds in a week! Now I just have to start losing weight.

I’ve decided to go on a stable diet. Hay and oats three times a day.