Category: food and drink

Smirnoff so you can say: I was there or at least thats were I woke up.

Apparently there is a type of Currant, that when you eat it makes you come out in a blotchy rash. I might Raisin Awareness Group.

It makes me sick how children get so excited about fast food. I’ve just seen 2 young boys burst through the door of KFC and run to the counter to order food. However, a gun seemed a funny method of payment.

What is red and invisible? No Tomatoes

Went to an Irish restaurant. It was closed for lunch.

I sell drugs to fat people. It sounds better than, “I work at McDonald’s.”

Put tomato sauce in my eyes today. In Heinz sight that properly wasn’t a good idea

London 2012 Olympic; promoting healthy living by being sponsored by McDonald’s, Coca Cola and Cadbury’s Welcome to England everybody.

Walkers have introduced Clover Leaf flavoured crisps. If you’re lucky you get a fourth in the pack..

Sat next to my wife, I slowly took out my fingers and they gave off a strong, fishy smell. I’m writing my letter of complaint to Cadbury as we speak.

As I opened the second bottle of brandy I started to think seriously about what I was doing to my liver. Then I realised I was frying it with onions.

“Waitrose to start stocking Rhea eggs” Eggs from Rheas? They’ll never take off.

In bed with the wife when she asked if I fancied a 69 and she looked shocked when I said no. “Last time you got rasberry sauce and hundreds and thousands everywere so forget it” I said.

I was walking through the local shopping centre when a guy from N-Power stopped me and asked where i get my energy from? I don’t think “Lucozade” was the answer he was looking for!!

Pig 1: What do you think pigs taste like? Pig 2: You remember Madeleine McCann? Somewhere between that and chicken.