Category: food and drink

I was chatting to this bird last night and she asked where I worked, wanting to sound like a bit of a stud I said: “Oh I’ve got fingers in loads of different pies…” I work at Greggs.

I read in the paper this morning how a jury heard that…. “One punch ‘killed Defoe’s brother’” I had to wonder, how much rum was in it?!

Can anyone help me? The wife’s away for the weekend, and she told me that if I got hungry just to put something in the oven. My shoes have been in there for two hours now and I’m still starving.

What’s Elisabeth Fritzl’s favourite vegetable? Celery.

I was watching the local news the other day and a big story was taking the headlines: “Mystery man abducts his 4th victim. On Monday Mr. McVities was abducted and then on Wednesday Mr. Fox and Mrs. Oreo were kidnapped. And now his lastest victim, Richard Tea was abducted from his home earlier today.” I […]

“If Carlsberg created the perfect woman, she’d probably look like this: Kelly Brook dons tiny red jumpsuit to promote beer.” So, a women with no talent or credibility with enough ‘slap’ on to help her appear ‘attractive’ and ‘appealing’ to the commercial market….Kind of like the beer then.

Carlsberg don’t do world records, Its Guinness.

I visited a fast food joint in Korea. The Burgers were ok, but the hot dogs were a bit strange.

I’m taking back this bag of M&M’s I just bought as they appear to be faulty. Half of them are W’s.

My friend invited me around to his place for a Meat Feast last night. I thought “That sounds like the worst ice-cream ever”.

I just saw a van drive by with the company name “Seafood Solutions” I have to admit, I didn’t know that seafood was a problem.

Judging by the taste.. ..I’d say Carlsberg don’t do beer either.

My mate asked if I wanted to join his religious sect where they worship a probiotic drink. I said, “I’m not interested in Yakult.”

I called in the pub for a nice, crisp pint after work today. It made a pleasant change from eating them out of a packet.

What did the Pit Bull say to the Rottweiler? Fancy going halves on an Indian.