Category: food and drink

At my takeaway the same man takes my order, Cooks my food, And delivers it to my door, The recession must have hit my local chinese really bad.

Hola Hoops have a promotional going: Win a Land Rover in selected packs today! Unfortunately, all the packs in my local shop were just regular size.

“What are you chewing?” “Apple seeds.” “What’s the point in that?” “They make you more intelligent.” “Oh. Could you give me a couple then?” “Sure. One pound per seed.” “Hmm. OK. I’ll take five.” After chewing for a while … “You know, I could buy a lot of apples for a fiver …” “See? The […]

Why did the woman miss the spaghetti train? Because it went straight pasta.

Wholemeal bread. I can’t see this catching on. You need some meat and vegetables and stuff really.

Finally after all this time they are banning vuvuzelas in football grounds. I’m just hoping that vuvuzelas is a racist euphemism.

I ordered a Whopper in Burger King the other day and offered a pound for it. “No,” said the girl, “it’s 3.88!” We argued for a few minutes before she gave in. “Fine!” she said. “Have it your way!”

A foreign woman taking a food survey asks a man ‘Are you peckish?’ the man replies ‘No I’m Turkish’

My wife says i never help out with the dinner. “Okay. Fine!” I said, “What do you want me to do?” “Do you think you could manage to stick some food in the bowl?” she called. “I’m one step ahead of you!” I said triumphantly.” I even flushed it.”

My local baker offered me a very good price to make a birthday cake. Then he said he would decorate it for free. Well, that was just the icing on the cake.

Went back to this chick’s place last night, soon after I was slinging the sausage down the corridor. In retrospect, initiating a food fight wasn’t the best idea.

Cakes 66p. Upside down cakes 99p

So McDonalds have decided to sell only to people over 18. Stone.

Danone Actimel – Just 1 a day will balance out your healthy bacteria. Try our weekly challenge So why sell them in packs of 6?

We’ve just had some guests round for the wife’s famous Sunday dinner… To be fair, countless have gone on to lead a fairly normal life.