Category: food and drink

I’ve heard that drinking 7 cups of coffee can make u hallucinate but we’ve had 9 and me and tweety pie are doing just fine

I was reading about this new diet where you’re not allowed to drink alcohol. Well, I read the first sentence at least.

Sky News: “Family gets 93 Years for Blue Lagoon Murder” To be honest, I was pretty impressed that they managed to kill someone with a lethal mix of vodka, curaco and lemonade.

Just found a chocolate bar on the side of the road. It was a Drifter.

The traditional Haggis recipe is quite simple. 1) Turn a sheep inside out. 2) Cook.

If at first you dont succeed, give up and have a beer

An Englishman walks into a McDonald’s restaurant in New York. The spotty kid behind the counter says, “We serve breakfast at any time sir.” To which the Englishman replies, “I’ll have the French toast during the Renaissance then fatty.”

So Africans have to walk 15 miles every day just for a bucket of water. I always wondered how they managed to stay thin.

My Chinese wife went swimming with the dolphins yesterday, She ate three before they managed to pull her out.

A mate told me a joke about Pringle flavours. It wasn’t original.

Muesli: because you’re that old you can’t taste anything anyway.

What did the teabag say as it vigorously got out of the teapot? I think I’ve strained myself.

If pizzas get to your house quicker than an ambulance ….. maybe we should ask the delivery guy to pick up the paramedic on the way?

I’m about to have a cup of dangerous coffee. Safe tea first though.

have you heard Mac Donalds’ new Obama value meal? Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.