Category: family

‘Hey Dad, do you know any jokes?’ ‘Sure Son, go ask your mother what she does for a living’

Son: “Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.” Mom: “Well, you have done the right thing.” Son: “But mom, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.”

When I found out that my girlfriend was pregnant, I realised something was hideously wrong. Mum told me she’d hit the menopause.

My mother had a go at me for never visiting her. At least I think it was my mother.

The other day I went to Office Max to get some supplies. While there I bought a new ink cartridge for my printer. It came in a fairly large box mounted on a card and wrapped in plastic. When I took it apart, which took an unnecessarily long time, I found that the printer cartridge […]

During the Second World War, my grandfather couldn’t stop scribbling. He got hit by the Doodlebug.

After saying I didn’t want to go and see my mother-in-law in hospital, my wife said I needed to sort my priorities out. So I filed for divorce, got drunk and went to watch the football.

My dad is brilliant. He always used to let me have a beer when my mum went out. For my 40th birthday he let me have two.

I’m watching Monsters vs. Aliens As soon as the in-laws leave, we’ll probably pop in a DVD.

I came home last week with a car that had it’s floor cut out. I just wanted something to run around in.

I was mortified when my son caught me walking around the bedroom in high heels and women’s underwear. I don’t know why, I’m his mother.

Had a lovely Mother’s Day, took the old dear out for lunch, nipped to the seaside for an hour and stopped off for a cheeky sherry on the way home. Anyway, sun’s going down now so time to get her back in the ground !

Tips for blokes — How to clean a toilet: 1. Barrow cat from neighbour. 2. Pour soap into toilet. 3. Add cat and close lid. 4. Sit on lid. 5. Allow cat time to act. 6. Flush several times to rinse. 7. Raise lid and admire shine.

I love bouncing my mother-in-law on my knee. Sticking her in a football is more fun than an urn.

I was just about to head off to the shop one day when my gran asked for some plums. Being the polite young man I am, I proceeded to teabag her.