Category: family

“Lets play charades” my Mother in Law said as she walked into the lounge. “Enter the Dragon” I shouted. “We haven’t started yet” she replied. ” It was an observation not a guess”

I was fishing with my dad yesterday, when he told me I was adopted. I was reeling.

She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast when he walked in. She turned and said, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment.” His eyes lit up and he thought, “This is my lucky day.” Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his […]

My mother is a always trying to outdo me. Last night she walked into the bathroom as I was choking the bishop then, today, she had to go and push the Pope.

I can’t count the amount of cousins I’ve slept with on my hands… I can on my toes, though.

What does my grandma have in common with the newspaper? Both have been lying in the driveway for about 3 days now.

Your mum’s so fat she can walk through walls. She’s like a wrecking ball.

My dad gave me some great advice when I was younger. When I was 14, he sat me down, said, “Someday you’re going to meet a girl who’s going to be so right and so wonderful and so perfect that you’re not even going to haggle over the price.”

It’s kind of ironic that they caution pregnant women not to drink alcohol in case it harms the baby. If it wasn’t for alcohol most women wouldn’t be that way.

My wife told me to buy some perfume to desribe what I would like to do most to her. She wasn’t happy when she opened her bottle of “poison”

I’m going to take a picture of my firstborn and use age progression software to figure out what he’ll look like when he’s 16. Then I’m going to frame the picture and keep it as a centerpiece in our house, something he’ll grow up looking at. Then when the appropriate time comes, he will realize […]

What’s the biggest difference between men and women? What they mean, when they say: “I got through a whole box of tissues watching that film.”

Being called ‘cool’ by your parents is like being called ‘fashionable’ by someone wearing a potato sack

BBC News: Norfolk County Council to cut 1,000 jobs Ought to make family events a bit awkward…

My wife accused me of having absolutely no sense of direction. Honestly, I was so disgusted I just packed my things and right.