Category: children

An old man on a porch asks a boy dragging a chain down the street, “Why are you pulling that chain?” The boy replies, “You ever try to push one?”

I love Halloween, kids come to your house and ASK for sweets! saves money on petrol for my van.

I said to my son, “Either you tell your mother what you’ve done, or I will. Choice is yours, me or you?” He shouted, “MUM, DAD DID IT.”

I read my 4 year old son his first ebook today. It was a pop-up. He now knows he can meet hot, young, single girls in his area. And he lived happily ever after.

It was an introductory evening for parents and children at my son’s new school yesterday. What with all the people milling about who didn’t know their way round, the head thoughtfully got some of the prefects to marshal us. It was brilliant. I got to follow 15-year-old girls all evening and no-one shouted at me […]

Am I the only one alarmed that Santa breaks into my house undetected, Drinks my Jack Daniels, Eats all my mince pies and to top it all off, Watchs my children 24/7?

The children have just left to spend the holidays at their grandma’s: “I miss them already,” says the mother with a sigh. “Me too,” says the father. “Could you spill some orange juice on my trousers?”

At the beach I saw four sandcastles that had been made by some children. So I ran up and jumped on one of them. Then I wrecked his sandcastle.

I had to babysit my sister’s infant the other day, and I had the world’s worst headache, because the young baby wouldn’t stop crying. And I knew for sure that it wasn’t because of food, sleep, poo or wee. Because I did all of them, and my headache still didn’t disappear.

My girlfriend said “Your capacity for childishness seems to be infinite.” I replied “Well your capacity for childishness is infinity plus one. So there.” She left me.

My mate: “What’s with the bouncy castle? I said “It isn’t a bouncy castle, I’m fumigating my shed for termites.” Him: “Oh, well it looks a lot like a bouncy castle…” “I guess that explains all the dead kids…”

Me and my wife have different ways to discipline our kids. She threatens them by saying, “Just wait until your father gets home.” I say, “Just wait until your mother goes out.”

I’ve just found out that my girlfriends son is not to dissimilar to a blue bottle fly. Once he flew out of the window the annoying noise stopped.

In the news : Rupert Grint has revealed that he has become “obsessed” with his ice-cream van. “I drive it everyday. I get kids queueing up outside whenever I stop.” THATS how gingers attempt to lure friends , or should we be more worried it’s kids he’s luring?

Primark children’s range. Made by children, for children.