Category: children

My child was born with a genetic skin disorder. He’s black.

Why did the boy drop his lolly pop? Because he got hit by a car.

My little girl came to me the other day and said, “Daddy, what is sadness?” I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I ran her dog over.

After years of thinking it wasn’t anything I should be concerned about, I have finally given in to my conscience and decided to sponsor a needy child in the Third World. She is eleven years old, white and lives in Bradford.

When anyone ask me to watch their children, I ask if their kid is a “mean drunk” or a “happy drunk.” Gets me out of it every time.

When your only child has Down’s Syndrome, Birthdays can be difficult. Last week our daughter was five and me and the wife just couldn’t decide what to give her. Eventually we settled on ‘away, for adoption.’

My wife was saying ‘I don’t care what you say. There’s no pain in the world as bad as childbirth’ Anyway you will be glad to know she now knows better. Sorry make that knew better.

No matter how much flour I use, I can never raise a child.

My kids loved it when I threw them down the waterslide. They weren’t so keen on the landslide!

I don’t believe in smacking my children…it achieves nothing. Several punches do though.

Contrary to what the experts say, I’ve always found that if I leave my kids alone they’re generally quite well behaved. Especially when I leave them alone on the central reservation of the M1

I have puppies instead of children. I’d rather ruin my carpet then my life.

‘Children need to see disabled people on TV to get over their fear’ says one-armed presenter Cerrie Burnell. On the other hand… oh wait.

The kids love coming to my house to play with the toys… A Rampant Rabbit feels loads better than an Action Man.

I met a mother and her son in the park today, we got chatting and I said “do you like impression’s?” “of course who doesn’t?” she replied, So I kicked her in the face and ran away with her son! I left a lasting impression I think…