Category: children

Did you know if you left a childs teeth in a bowl of coca cola overnight they would drown

even though i have grown up, i’m still into the same type of girls i was back when i was in primary school, blonde, blue eyes, slim, five…

My 11yr old son was sent home from school yesterday, accompanied by the police, just for having a little gash on his finger. Admittedly, it did belong to the headmistress………….

What do you call a man with twin teenage daughters? Mate.

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?” “Eight,” the boy replied. The man continued, “Do you know how these are used?” The boy replied, “Not exactly, but […]

The Government has decided that cough medicines don’t work on children under 12 and are withdrawing them from sale. I beg to differ, I find it makes them nice and drowsy.

After we reached a decision on the abortion, every night I’ve been given chills up and down my spine by the haunting screams of a crying baby. I lay there wishing we’d had it. But we made the choice and we’ll just have to cope with an unwanted child.

On reflection Hamster Merry-Go-Round and other microwave games. Probably wasn’t the best book to give to a nine year old.

My son turned round earlier and said I’m the most uncool dad on the planet. I’ve spent the last two hours trying to think of a groovy response.

I got my windows reinforced yesterday. Now the kids can’t hear the ice cream van.

They say the laughter of children is priceless. To me it’s their screaming.

This is how they describe the characteristics of a psychopath. “A pervasive pattern of disregard for, or violation of, the rights of others. It is defined in different ways, but can involve a lack of empathy or remorse, shallow emotions, selfishness, grandiosity or deceptiveness; it can also involve impulsiveness, irritability, aggression, or recklessness.” Now…Doesn’t that […]

Children of the 80’s , do you miss the sound of a playing card slapping your bike spokes? Well now you can recreate that sound by filling the roundabout at you local park with kids , pushing them so fast they tip their head back, then stop running and put your hand out slappin each […]

I’m like a God in my Kid’s eyes, They are told that I created them, but they have never seen me.

I saw a black couple on the news who had been jailed for beating their child and I thought, “Wow, I’m so glad my parents weren’t like that… or I’d be black”