Category: children

Why is the speed limit so low around primary schools? So you can pick out the one you want…?

So… anoyone else notice how Prince Charming said Cinderella was the love of his life yet he had to check every woman in the kingdoms shoe size to clarify who she was…..

…….”And I would’ve got away with it too, if it wasn’t for meddling with kids!”

Friends help you find a girl in a club Real friends help you spit roast the 9 year old scout…..

What’s funnier than dropping a baby out of a window? Dropping it off of the roof.

Went down to the running track this morning, and ended up pulling my groin. I couldn’t help it. Seeing all those little athletics kids in spandex pushed me over the edge . . . .

When I was young, I could not understand why anyone would want to become a priest because you could not get married or have children. Now I am married with children, I can see the priesthood has its attractions.

I was sitting in my room and heard a little boy outside sneeze. I said bless you, and five seconds later, I heard a very hesitant….”God??.”

What’s the difference between Madeleine Mcann, My girlfriend and a dead baby? Nothing.

I don’t believe in smacking my kids. I find that pointing a gun at them accomplishes the same thing.

My wife said that our kids are like little cartoon characters, loud, cute & funny Given that, you wouldn’t believe the fuss she makes when i hit them in the face with a frying pan.

I hear Victoria Beckham was offered gas and air while in labour with her new baby, Apparently she wasn’t hungry at the time

There was a little boy who had just learned to count on his fingers. One day his uncle came around to visit and the boy was anxious to show off his newly acquired skill. He told his uncle to give him a addition question, so the uncle asked “What is 3 plus 4?” The little […]

What’s the difference between Scouse kids and Russian kids? Scouse kids get slaughtered before they go to school.

You could tell I was going to fail as a parent from the moment I fired up the chain saw to cut my sons umbilical cord…