Category: cannibals

Our local Age Concern shop had it’s shutters down today. I wonder if they were busy making Soylent Green…

I don’t understand why the Crossbow Cannibal left over so many body parts of his victims! Maybe he’d bitten off more than he could chew !

I saw a Department of Health poster in the waiting room at the doctor’s today. It showed two sunburnt children on a beach with the caption, “Kids Cook Quick”. Nonsense. In my experience they take about 25 minutes per pound.

Let’s eat Grandpa! Let’s eat, Grandpa! Commas, save lives.

I’ve just opened a Cannibal themed restaurant. We would love to have you for dinner.

A cannibal returned from a holiday missing a leg. “What happened?” asked his friend. “It was self catering.” he replied.

Just overheard my colleague say to another colleague “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bite your head off”. It’s hardly something you do by accident, is it?

As a cannibal, I often find the term ‘baby food’ very misleading.

I was sat with a tribe of cannibals when the chief’s daughter gave me the eye. I would have preferred a leg.

I always give my dog leftover bones from my dinner for him to chew on. As well as being a tasty snack, it also removes any last bit of DNA from the person they came from.

I didn’t know what to make of the salesman who called to my door earlier. So I went for an old favourite. With fava beans and a nice Chianti.

BBC News: Officials seek ways to double the number of tigers in the world. Just cut them in half.

I managed to convince my best mate to let me spit-roast his wife last night. Unfortunately she was too much for us to eat in one sitting, but at least his children will have something in their pack lunch tomorrow.

Reuters: “British surgeons separate very rare conjoined twins”. I prefer mine well done.

It was when I made sausages on my work experience, that I vowed never again to work in a cannibal’s butchers shop. What a way to make ends meat.