Category: books

What would you call an instruction manual for ventriloquists? A: Dummies for Dummies.

My favourite character in The Jungle Book is Kaa the python, but then Mr Kipling did make exceedingly good snakes.

A man goes into the library and asks for a book on flogging a dead horse…

I’m currently reading a book about a bird watching club that’s used as a cover by a group of swingers. It’s full of trysts and terns.

Later on today, I plan to set alight a manifest of unholy lies. Sworn before God, and in protest to tyranny, I plan to rid the world of the filth, blasphemy and falsehoods that have marred my happiness for close to a decade. The wife will be furious, it’s our only copy of the wedding […]

I just bought a new book ‘Ventriloquism For Dummies’.

I’ve just finished reading the autobiography of the world’s most modest man. He wasn’t in it much.

I’m sick of hearing about 50 shades of grey. Did guys make this much fuss when Debbie does Dallas was released

I was in HMV looking at the books, I noticed a bunch of biographies stacked in a row, the first was Heath Ledger, then Jade Goody, then Michael Jackson and last at the end was Stephen Hawking. A bit tasteless if you ask me.

I found thousands of letters in my postbox today. That’s the last time I order a dictionary from IKEA.

My girlfriend has left me because I spend all my time reading ebooks. I dont want to lose my relationship so I am hoping to re-kindle it.

I just bought the book ‘Learn How to Read’ and am now realizing the potential problem…

You can accidentally change the outcome of any night by not noticing that typing ‘pints’ into dictionary text first comes up as ‘shots’.

50 shades of grey… Is that a book about the sky during a typical British summer ?

I got banned from Waterstones today for moving all the ‘Caution – Wet Floor’ signs to the ’50 Shades of Grey’ shelf.