Category: books

I was in our local library earlier today, when a small, round root vegetable came in and asked the librarian if she had a book about suicide. I though “That’s a turnip for the books”

This book i’m reading has an incredible battery life.

I’ve just read the dictionary. Turns out the Zebra did it.

My brother has just set fire to one of my Mr Men books. No more Mr Nice Guy.

It’s 2010……… hmmm 20 is twice 10, that must mean something…. maybe Dan Brown could write a book about it?

How do you get a word included in the Oxford English Dictionary? Simples.

Shakespeare is credited with the invention of hundreds of new words, which just goes to show that monkeys make terrible proofreaders.

I’ve just finished Great Expectations and I have to say I was a little disappointed.

I was telling my mate that the wife made me tie her up and abuse her. “Did she read 50 Shades Of Grey, then?” he asked. “No,” I said, “she forgot to get me a beer when I got home from work.”

My wife’s been reading the dictionary every night for a month. I think she’s up to something.

I’ve just published a book on DIY. It’s blank and comes with a free pen.

Ever notice how Voldemort has a diary, necklace, ring, tiara and an obsession with a famous teenage boy? No one but me finds this awkward, apparently.

As the old man stood in front of him in his robes clutching his wand…. Harry Potter regretted transferring to catholic school

I was on the bus, then noticed a man crying over a book. I said to him, “It’s OK, my son can’t read either.”

Spending years studying a book, looking over again and again the vast complex lines and constantly looking for the messages and meanings, getting to know and love the characters and locations presented to you. Only to discover he’s behind the elephant.