Category: animals/insects

I love freebees. Good thing the keeper next door had a heart attack.

You can’t out run, out climb or out swim a bear. So always go into the woods with someone you can out run, out climb and out swim.

Give a dog a bone, and it’ll have fun for a week. Teach a dog to bone….

Nearly hit a dog on the way home, she was walking an alsation.

What do you call a horse with 3 legs? Glue.

Never realised how bad the wasp problem is in Africa. Watching the Confderations cup it sounds like they are everywhere.

I just got a lifetime ban from the zoo! Turns out when they say “kids go free” doesn’t mean I should release the goats from the petting zoo!

The wife told me over breakfast that she has invented a shower gel for pigs. I said “hogwash”?

“Hold everything!” – training my pet octopus.

Just got a picture of a bloke being attacked by a Bear, it was a Kodiak moment.

What’s the difference between a rottwieler and a poodle? If a rottwieler starts humping your leg you let it finish.

My girlfriend lost her rabbit yesterday so she asked me to help look for it, she doesn’t have to fear I found a lucky rabbits foot on my drive yesterday.

Why did the French chicken cross the road? To surrender to the other side.

I just got an angry email from the local paper after I tried to publish a notice in the lost and found section: FOUND – Somebody’s pet Budgie, it’s blue with a yellow beak, what it lacks in zest it makes up for in it’s functionality as a bookmark.

I lost the dog whilst out for a run with him this morning. ‘Why didn’t you take the lead?’ asked the wife when I came home. ‘I did’, I replied, ‘but he overtook me after 100 yards & disappeared into the distance…’