Category: animals/insects

I couldn’t afford the Vet’s bill to neuter the dog, so I just tied a wire brush to my trouser leg.

My dog loves chasing his tail. And chopping it off saved us money on a stick.

As a farmer, I’m often asked how many sheep I have. I actually don’t know, I fall asleep everytime I try to count them.

I punched a blind man on the nose earlier. That’ll teach his dog to look at my wife.

For some reason, I find any animal with hypersensitive hearing really eerie

Great, the local mafia boss just scratched my dog’s back. Now he owes him a favour.

Going out clubbing this weekend. Should get a good bit of money for the furs.

I bought a new Rampant Rabbit from Ann Summers today and I must say, I’m not impressed. I tried it for over an hour on high and low speed, in every orifice conceivable with no success. Now I hear my daughter’s Bunny Breeding program will have to wait until after the burial.

With jobs thin on the ground, I took a risk and had a go at elephant poaching. There were some surprised faces when I turned up for work with a 2,000 gallon drum of boiling water and a 40-foot slotted spoon.

I was trying to learn dolphin the other day I was finding it really tough Then it just clicked

My Wife said “Why’s our new dog ripping that piece of headwear apart?” I replied “I think it’s just a bad hat he chewed”

Orangutans – The only gingers girls will ever find cute

What you call a sheep with a gun? Lambo.

A dog isn’t just for Christmas… Get one for your birthday too!

Went to the pub and left my dog on the sofa watching BBC 2 tonight. He had no choice, haven’t taught him to change the channels yet.